


Just Breathe

by MaraMcGregor



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Domestic Fluff, Explicit Language, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 14:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13706652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaraMcGregor/pseuds/MaraMcGregor
Summary: Bitty has a PTSD induced attack. Jack helps bring him back to himself.





	Just Breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Effyeahzimbits](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Effyeahzimbits/gifts).



> This is based heavily off of one of my own attacks. Every attack is different, at least for me. Please be aware that this is from the perspective of the person having the attack.

Shit. Fuck. Why wasn’t that stupid video tagged? Who would decide not to leave a warning on that mess? How did so many people post it with nothing in their descriptions besides the unhelpful comments of “wow” and “that took a left turn”. Oh God. Bitty could feel his heart start to climb up his throat. Not now. No no no no no no. Bitty glanced around, but it felt like his head was moving through sludge. Crap that was weird.

The apartment was empty and he was sitting in bed. It was just a stupid little video. It looked like a cute romance reveal. But the end … hoo boy … Bitty shut off the video as quickly as he could, pushing past the first burst of panic. But he wasn’t fast enough. Everything slowed down except for his heart. It was in full flight mode, but his body was in pretend-you-aren’t-here mode. His brain almost felt detached from it. 

Bitty sat and stared at the screen, trying to force his fingers to operate and  _ move _ . Just, move the mouse, scroll to something fluffy, something happy,  _ anything _ . But they were unresponsive. It felt like his body hit the bottom of a pit of depression and his heart went into full blown panic. It was weird and making his brain buzz. It had been so long since he had felt like this. And usually he was so careful. He  _ was _ careful. Where was the tagging?

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. That’ll make it worse. Shit. His heart was beating rapidly in his throat. He could feel the blood coursing through his body. Move on. Force different thoughts in. It’ll be fine. Calm down. Fuck. What time was it? How long had this been going on? It couldn’t have been that long. 5 minutes? Maybe 10 on the outside?

Bitty glanced down at the corner of his computer screen. Three hours. Where had the time gone? Oh shit. Nope, that didn’t make anything better. He heard the door to the apartment open. It had to be Jack. Jack was supposed to be home around now. Right? Bitty wanted to say something, to call attention to himself, but he couldn’t get it out. He couldn’t force the breath through his vocal chords to produce anything more than a small rasp. Lord, he wanted to cry, but it was like everything was frozen. His mind was fully there, but his body refused to cooperate. 

“Bits? You in the bedroom, bud?”

Bitty wanted nothing more than to call out, to tell Jack he needed him, needed to be held. But nothing happened. He gripped the sheets between his fingers tight enough that he could feel his knuckles creak. 

The door slowly opened inwards and Bitty could see Jack peering in quietly. 

“Hey bud, you okay?”

Bitty wheezed and tried to force his throat to cooperate, but it felt like his heart was pressing against his vocal chords, preventing any sound from escaping.

“Is it okay if I sit next to you on the bed?”

It felt like the seconds stretched on before Bitty was able to get his head to nod. But Jack was quiet and patient. He waited for Bitty’s nod and gently sat next to him. Jack’s large physical presence loosened something in Bitty. He wasn’t sure what the exact reason for it was. Maybe it was because Jack equaled safety in his mind. Or maybe it was because he finally wasn’t alone. Bitty honestly had no clue why Jack sitting next to him let his pulse slide down his throat. He flexed his fingers that were tangled in the sheets and the resistance was significantly lessened.

“Can I hold your hand?”

This time, the nod came easier. He still had to fight for it, but he was able to dip his head further and more fluidly. 

Jack’s massive hand gently pried his fingers loose and wound them again around his own.

Bitty’s breathing started to slow, the buzzing started to feel better and worse. It was like coming out of a nightmare, but he had been awake for all of it. 

“Can you take some deep breaths for me? Just try to match mine.”

Jack moved close enough that Bitty could feel the rising and falling of his chest and he tried to follow along. It was hard. It was so, so hard. But the tightness was lifting. His muscles were responding to him again. He finally managed one full, deep breath.

“That’s it. Good job, Bits. You got it.”

Bitty felt his consciousness finally take full control of his body again. His muscles crumpled. He pressed his face into Jack’s chest and let the tears fall. Lord, he was sore all over. His muscles must have been tense for that whole time.

“I’ve got you. Just let it out.”

“Why? Why didn’t they say it was  _ that _ ? I don’t - they just needed to  _ say. _ ”

“Who needed to say what, bud?”

“The video. I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have watched if I knew what it was going to be about. But no one said.” Bitty could feel his whole body shake as the adrenaline was being metabolised out. It left him feeling weak and woozy. 

Jack tilted the computer screen towards him and saw the image Bitty had managed to stop on. It was clearly a PSA about bullying in school and was originally designed to warn people to be on the lookout for homophobic behavior. But all the good intentions in the world didn’t help when those that actually suffered it had it sprung on them with no warning. “I got you. And when you feel up to it, I’ll run us a bath and we can cuddle in the strawberry scented bubbles. How does that sound?”

Bitty’s breath was ragged, but stronger. “I love you so much, sweetpea. That sounds like heaven right about now.”

Jack pressed a kiss on the top of his head and closed out the window with the offending video. “Then maybe I can get some take out and we can have dinner in bed. Something from that restaurant on Exchange Street. They absolutely adore you there. I’m sure I can talk them into doing us a favor.”

Bitty nuzzled into Jack’s chest and curled up so that he could fit fully on his lap. “As long as they bring that Walnut Turtle Pie.”

Jack chuckled, “I will try. But, they may not be willing after the last time we went there and you suggested several improvements to their recipe.”

Bitty sniffled. “Their loss.”

Jack pulled him close and held him, physically demonstrating what words could never convey.


End file.
